This has nothing to do with adventures. It is only the ramblings of a confused girl trying to face the world.
I am in a strange mood right now. I can’t sleep. I just got done watching Black Hawk Down. It disturbed me to no end. Now I am just sitting here thinking about all of the sadness in the world and how horrendous people can be to each other. I watched it with a couple of boys from the south. Every time the Delta force came on they kept going off about how awesome they were. I know it was just a movie but people do kill each other all the time. I know that we cannot sit and watch injustice from a distance but I really don’t believe in war. I guess that is one of the contradictions that I haven’t worked out yet in my life. It also made me look at the how the movie paid little attention to the Somalis until the end when the text mentioned that only 19 Americans had died while over a thousand Somalis had died. I have been in a very sensitive mood lately and the movie has just set me off to all of the sadness because I know the same thing is happening right now in Afghanistan, Israel and a hundred other places in the world. It is awful. I cannot help but think how lucky I am. There is so much that I have never even thought about. There is so much I don’t even take for granted because it is inconceivable. I feel as though I should do something, make a positive impact in some way but I don’t know how. I have thought and thought of how to get there with my major because I love geology but I cannot help people. I am trying to figure out how to reconcile my personal need to study what I love and the greater need of the world and I haven’t found a way. I want to do environmental research but I don’t just want to identify problems I want to make solutions. I want to be a good person. I want to give more than I take but I have no idea as to how to do anything worth while. I feel as though I am living the most wonderful life and am so happy but I am not giving anything back. I have done nothing of use in 22 years. I just want to feel justified for existing. I am not depressed, just confused as to what the right path is. There is so much that I hold ambiguous opinions of. I don’t even know how I feel about certain issues. If I don’t even know myself how am I functioning in the world?