I am so worried about everyone right now. I have beeen thinking about tracy constantly for the last few weeks and wondering why things happen to such wonderful people. I talked to my mom on the phone this morning and she is back in pennsylvania because my grandma is back in the hospital. The clot filter they put in next to her heart isn't working and she is very sick. My mom said that she just hopes that the hospital gives her plenty of morphine so she doesn't suffer. That is such a fatalistic comment. I want to be positive and believe that my grandma will be okay but my mom is the most positive person I know. It is scary to hear that from her. My mom is so strong. I know that she is home emotionally and physically through cooking and health wise taking care of her whole family. I don't know how she does it. I tis so selfish of me because all I can do is sit here and feel guilty for doing amazing things and being happy. I f I am healthy I should be home helping the peoplle that are not making their lives better. It is selfish of me to be here. I went out nd had an amazing wekend and though I thought of everyone I had fun and enjoyed myself while there are people that I love having crisis that I could help to aliviate with my time and love rather than going out and spending my energy all on myself. I just feel so fortunate and selfish at the same time. I don't know. I am sorry to ramble like this I better stop before I start bawling in the computer lab. I think i need sleep but I have an optical mineralogy test this wednesday and I need to go study. It is weird how life progresses even you feel as though it should stop and allow you to figure out what is going on, what to do and what is right. I need to think but I don't have time. Love to everyone. Love to the world. It is a beautiful day somewhere and though it may be raining there is warmth in the love of friends. I miss you all and send warm happy hugs.